It is almost 9:30pm, and I am just about ready to go to bed. I make no apologies for that. However, I have realized that in the few months, my online discussion has really watered down to:

sleep, starbucks, the need OF sleep, and... well, starbucks.

It gets me a little angry when I think of it, because every day I am faced with new experiences and challenges that I think I am bypassing by the minute. Even while driving on the high way, I always look forward. I understand, that is what you're supposed to do, but geez Carla, look around a bit. During the fall, I tried to look at as much folliage as possible because it was literally the most beautiful thing I had seen in a while. Life literally passes us by and we are so focused on what needs to get done. I simply don't feel or see the Lord in that.

I was hanging out with the Lord (in all actuality, my time with Him has narrowed in the past months, and I just don't feel kosher about that. I really love Him. Like, really love Him. and I can think of a handfull of people that I perceive to "love" here on earth, that I would give my right arm to hang out with. I don't really do that with the Lord.)

Imagine. We think we love. Yet, I don't think we have even experienced enough of His love to really understand this truth of love. Do we ever experience His love in its fullness? Can we, while on earth? I have no clue... I think He shows us enough for our human intellect to grasp, but reality is... His love knows no boundaries. We consequently live in a boundary-full lifestyle, where things are conditional. So incredibly conditional. Like, if you don't talk to me for 2 weeks, I won't talk to you. If you don't do something for me, why should I make time for you? WE ARE SO HUMAN.

Whatever happened to turning the tables, to simply give all to get nothing back in return? Agape and altruism at their finest, and I don't think we are adequate carriers of this. Imagine, we have the ability (or at least, God has entrusted into the fraility of humanity) the act of showing His love while on earth. I can't even understand that. A holy love, which is so incredibly fragile, yet completely full; a love that is so pure, yet covers every single one of my impurities; it just seems so opposite... that a beautiful thing would be "wasted" on people who want nothing to do with it, withOUT it. Does that make sense?

Like, without His love and His goodness and Spirit at work in us, we have no understanding or wanting (on our own) of the VERY thing that we need TO understand it. I don't know that that makes sense. I have been up since 345am today; my body doesn't even know what to do right now.

Anyways. I read over a few passages today... on His goodness, and then crossed over to Lamentations, Jeremiah, the Psalms... all very rugged books with not much cause (in the eyes of the world) to praise God. However, David saw all of it as cause to praise God.

As did Jeremiah. John Piper says that God loved David beCAUSE of his constant crying out to God. David cried a lot; and waited patiently a lot. In David's weakness, God's strength was made perfect; and the same goes for us.

I had planned on writing more, but I'm falling asleep.