After working at Parents Apart tonight, I have decided (with or without Jesus) that divorce just is not something worth getting into.
Tomorrow is writing day. I shall continue as it continues to rain, rain, rain.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Thursday, June 18, 2009
YOU. HAVE BEEN WORKING WITH CONSERVATION INTERNATIONAL FOR 10 YEARS.
The cups at Starbucks say that, so I felt compelled to write that as my little "title."
Let me paint a picture of the town that I live in...
A group of women are sitting beside me, mothers presumably, and their children just walked in. Probably no more than 10 years old. The little girl who is wearing a jean bag has a pin with windmills on it (conserve energy) which says "YES," on it. In other words, vote yes on the next bill. What on earth does she know about that? Granted, it's from her parents I'd assume, it still makes me laugh. And I am in favor of conserving energy, so it doesn't really upset me, but it does make me laugh.
I do like Lexington on rainy days like today, and especially sitting in this Starbucks. I've finally been here long enough to make friends with the baristas. I hate that weird in between time frame where you hope they remember your drink, so you sometimes say, "I'll have the usual," but when they look at you, dumbfounded, you feel slightly retarded. The awkward grace period has ended for me, though. I walked in, and the nice, yet older man said, "grande black tea latte with soy?" Hallelujah. Someone understands me. ;)
That's why I miss Haverhill Starbucks. Honestly, call me weird, but there really isn't anything like walking into your favorite place in the world, and hearing a bunch of hellos, carla! etc. Makes you feel at home. However, Lexington is home now, as temporary as it may be. I'm going to take some pictures later, in town. I think it'll be fun.
Anyways, what else is on tap? I would love to say something wonderful and exciting! I have been traveling to churches, leading worship. This has been such a wonder to me, especially the past weekend when I was at a Vietnamese church. For the first time, I had a translator! It was so cool (different languages really interest me). Their culture and approach to God is so different, which makes me try and attempt to understand them a little better. Most asians have a thing with eye-contact, so it was very different shaking hands with people and not have them give you eye contact, haha. What is insulting in western culture is considered very respectful in eastern. People! It's great.
I sang in Vietnamese along with them, which really created such a beautiful bond with the people. Vietnamese characters are like Latin, so I could really read everything- had NO CLUE what I was saying, but I trusted the English translation next to it. :) Then the rest of the service when I lead, I lead in English. Languages are no boundary for the Lord- He works right through them, creating a family of diversity. I really liked working with Mike Strawn, too, a former classmate of mine. He is a great guy with a great passion for these people as he and Cory are pastoring them.
I brought Kate with me, too. She has been such a great travel friend. I don't think there is anyone that I travel with best like I do her. I don't know of anyone else who buys tickets to Hawaii within two weeks of departure, and somehow, we make it work. Life has treated me kindly in that area. Well, God has treated me well. He is a kind God, full of love and compassion. Why is it easy to always bypass that?
I met up with Zac and Ashley, too, on Tuesday night at SAAG for a worship practice. I'm leading there this Sunday, which should be a blast! I like South Attleboro AG. It was so great to see them, too, though. Again, God has blessed me with some incredible friendships. The friendships where it takes no effort... you know? I sometimes go months without SEEING them, but when I do, it's as if nothing has changed. I love that. There are few people in my life that posses that quality. Don't burn a bridge, especially if you get lost someday and that bridge was the only means of getting back.
Bill Johnson spoke some truth to me, too, on the ride home... Thanks to podcasts from Bethel. He said, "Make whatever you say to people make them hunger more for God." That's great. What are we talking about with people if it is not bringing them closer or to a place of wanting to be closer to God? Since being home, my parents have said that I have become a woman of little words. I don't know... I'd rather not say much, but when I do... I guess this blog makes up for it, haha. I feel like I can be as random as I want though here, and really, it's up to the reader to stop reading. :)
Richard freaking Foster. If you don't let this man speak into your life, you are missing out.
"Prayer frees us from anxiety because it teaches us trust. The result is peace: 'And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus' (Phil. 4:7). Prayer and simplicity are intertwined."
I'll keep going.
"If what we own can look slightly austere and unvarnished, then perhaps others will think we live in simplicity. Painfully, we know we are too dependent upon the approval of others. We sincerely want to do what is right, but our own self-consciousness betrays our lack of true simplicity. d Our struggle affirms the observation of Francois Fenelon, 'These people are sincere, but they are not simple.' The grace of solitude must be rooted deep within if we are to know simplicity of heart."
Regina Spektor just came on in Starbucks. God loves me, haha.
Conversations in coffee shops are so interesting.
Let me paint a picture of the town that I live in...
A group of women are sitting beside me, mothers presumably, and their children just walked in. Probably no more than 10 years old. The little girl who is wearing a jean bag has a pin with windmills on it (conserve energy) which says "YES," on it. In other words, vote yes on the next bill. What on earth does she know about that? Granted, it's from her parents I'd assume, it still makes me laugh. And I am in favor of conserving energy, so it doesn't really upset me, but it does make me laugh.
I do like Lexington on rainy days like today, and especially sitting in this Starbucks. I've finally been here long enough to make friends with the baristas. I hate that weird in between time frame where you hope they remember your drink, so you sometimes say, "I'll have the usual," but when they look at you, dumbfounded, you feel slightly retarded. The awkward grace period has ended for me, though. I walked in, and the nice, yet older man said, "grande black tea latte with soy?" Hallelujah. Someone understands me. ;)
That's why I miss Haverhill Starbucks. Honestly, call me weird, but there really isn't anything like walking into your favorite place in the world, and hearing a bunch of hellos, carla! etc. Makes you feel at home. However, Lexington is home now, as temporary as it may be. I'm going to take some pictures later, in town. I think it'll be fun.
Anyways, what else is on tap? I would love to say something wonderful and exciting! I have been traveling to churches, leading worship. This has been such a wonder to me, especially the past weekend when I was at a Vietnamese church. For the first time, I had a translator! It was so cool (different languages really interest me). Their culture and approach to God is so different, which makes me try and attempt to understand them a little better. Most asians have a thing with eye-contact, so it was very different shaking hands with people and not have them give you eye contact, haha. What is insulting in western culture is considered very respectful in eastern. People! It's great.
I sang in Vietnamese along with them, which really created such a beautiful bond with the people. Vietnamese characters are like Latin, so I could really read everything- had NO CLUE what I was saying, but I trusted the English translation next to it. :) Then the rest of the service when I lead, I lead in English. Languages are no boundary for the Lord- He works right through them, creating a family of diversity. I really liked working with Mike Strawn, too, a former classmate of mine. He is a great guy with a great passion for these people as he and Cory are pastoring them.
I brought Kate with me, too. She has been such a great travel friend. I don't think there is anyone that I travel with best like I do her. I don't know of anyone else who buys tickets to Hawaii within two weeks of departure, and somehow, we make it work. Life has treated me kindly in that area. Well, God has treated me well. He is a kind God, full of love and compassion. Why is it easy to always bypass that?
I met up with Zac and Ashley, too, on Tuesday night at SAAG for a worship practice. I'm leading there this Sunday, which should be a blast! I like South Attleboro AG. It was so great to see them, too, though. Again, God has blessed me with some incredible friendships. The friendships where it takes no effort... you know? I sometimes go months without SEEING them, but when I do, it's as if nothing has changed. I love that. There are few people in my life that posses that quality. Don't burn a bridge, especially if you get lost someday and that bridge was the only means of getting back.
Bill Johnson spoke some truth to me, too, on the ride home... Thanks to podcasts from Bethel. He said, "Make whatever you say to people make them hunger more for God." That's great. What are we talking about with people if it is not bringing them closer or to a place of wanting to be closer to God? Since being home, my parents have said that I have become a woman of little words. I don't know... I'd rather not say much, but when I do... I guess this blog makes up for it, haha. I feel like I can be as random as I want though here, and really, it's up to the reader to stop reading. :)
Richard freaking Foster. If you don't let this man speak into your life, you are missing out.
"Prayer frees us from anxiety because it teaches us trust. The result is peace: 'And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus' (Phil. 4:7). Prayer and simplicity are intertwined."
I'll keep going.
"If what we own can look slightly austere and unvarnished, then perhaps others will think we live in simplicity. Painfully, we know we are too dependent upon the approval of others. We sincerely want to do what is right, but our own self-consciousness betrays our lack of true simplicity. d Our struggle affirms the observation of Francois Fenelon, 'These people are sincere, but they are not simple.' The grace of solitude must be rooted deep within if we are to know simplicity of heart."
Regina Spektor just came on in Starbucks. God loves me, haha.
Conversations in coffee shops are so interesting.
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
"you're really beautiful, by the way."
I feel like I'm cheating on Starbucks.
I'm sitting, in Mass Ave, in Peet's Coffee. Seriously, I feel like I've divorced my lover without them knowing it. Even though Starbucks is right next door. Isn't that how life is anyway? We do things blatantly in front of the other, thinking they don't notice. Oh, but they do. Our motives are never hidden, even to those who we think are not looking. I wonder, where, in the midst of life, we think we've fooled the other. If we open ourselves to certain individuals, we are opening ourselves to their interpretation, which sometimes can be truer than our own. I haven't really gotten used to this yet, but I'm realizing it more and more that I can tell you what you'll do before you do it. Yet, every action I take on myself, I find myself surprised. What gives?
Anyways. Like I said, I have a love/hate relationship with these journals. The last time I wrote was in March! If you were a real person, oh how you would be so far out the door. Thankfully, nothing ever comes of these, haha. But yeah, a lot has happened since March 2009. I have graduated, I've attended senior events, I have been challenged with opportunities and people. Some that I have brought on myself, and some just barged in without really asking me if I wanted them.
Sitting here, the windows face the street and there was a man who was ordering behind me, and I could tell he was looking at me. Probably because I'm wearing a sweet v-neck, haha. And, I do have a stellar tan, which looks fake, but I promise you, it was just last week that I was basking in the sunshine of Lahaina, Maui. Oh, Maui... my beautiful little island that I call home. Anyways, so yeah. I was sitting here by myself, and as he walked out saying goodbye to the baristas here, he looked at me and said, "you are really beautiful, by the way."
I'm pretty awkward when it comes to that, and within seconds he was already out the door, so I just gave him a cheap smile and said thank you. Nothing ever really comes from that stuff anyway, but I didn't really want to hear that from him to begin with. I don't know you. Probably will never see you again. Ba!
There's a lot of tourists today; a big bus got bussed into town and I can see them all with their "Lexington Tour" bags. It's funny living in a tourist town because you usually meet a lot of different people, especially in the summer. I always wonder why people would tour Lexington. We have a big green field where the battle of Lexington and Concord took place, and really, other than that, we have over priced stores, banks and coffee shops.
I'm trying to figure out the next step of my life.
Hello, is anyone there? It's kind of like you're calling this number, and no one picks up! But you keep calling, in hopes that perhaps someone is going to pick up.
I have four churches looking for worship leader positions.
I just had an interview yesterday for the Lexington Public Schools.
I am sending my resume to Zion, because God knows that I love Zion.
The easiest thing would be to work at Zion, yet... would it be so bad if God really DID give me the desire of my heart? His word is clear about this.
Then again, I don't know. I don't know really what to do, because I have never had so many choices. For the past four years, it's been, "Here Carla, here's your schedule. Be in the chapel at 9:00am for returning students."
I'm not a returning student anymore. What?
Friendships have fallen from my hands.
I don't really understand it all, and I wish I could. "Oh Carla, you're being dramatic."
I'm pretty sure that I'm not. I don't fight, though. If I fight, I feel like I'm being desperate. Then again, I want what I want. But I don't want what I had once without effort.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering."
I'm sitting, in Mass Ave, in Peet's Coffee. Seriously, I feel like I've divorced my lover without them knowing it. Even though Starbucks is right next door. Isn't that how life is anyway? We do things blatantly in front of the other, thinking they don't notice. Oh, but they do. Our motives are never hidden, even to those who we think are not looking. I wonder, where, in the midst of life, we think we've fooled the other. If we open ourselves to certain individuals, we are opening ourselves to their interpretation, which sometimes can be truer than our own. I haven't really gotten used to this yet, but I'm realizing it more and more that I can tell you what you'll do before you do it. Yet, every action I take on myself, I find myself surprised. What gives?
Anyways. Like I said, I have a love/hate relationship with these journals. The last time I wrote was in March! If you were a real person, oh how you would be so far out the door. Thankfully, nothing ever comes of these, haha. But yeah, a lot has happened since March 2009. I have graduated, I've attended senior events, I have been challenged with opportunities and people. Some that I have brought on myself, and some just barged in without really asking me if I wanted them.
Sitting here, the windows face the street and there was a man who was ordering behind me, and I could tell he was looking at me. Probably because I'm wearing a sweet v-neck, haha. And, I do have a stellar tan, which looks fake, but I promise you, it was just last week that I was basking in the sunshine of Lahaina, Maui. Oh, Maui... my beautiful little island that I call home. Anyways, so yeah. I was sitting here by myself, and as he walked out saying goodbye to the baristas here, he looked at me and said, "you are really beautiful, by the way."
I'm pretty awkward when it comes to that, and within seconds he was already out the door, so I just gave him a cheap smile and said thank you. Nothing ever really comes from that stuff anyway, but I didn't really want to hear that from him to begin with. I don't know you. Probably will never see you again. Ba!
There's a lot of tourists today; a big bus got bussed into town and I can see them all with their "Lexington Tour" bags. It's funny living in a tourist town because you usually meet a lot of different people, especially in the summer. I always wonder why people would tour Lexington. We have a big green field where the battle of Lexington and Concord took place, and really, other than that, we have over priced stores, banks and coffee shops.
I'm trying to figure out the next step of my life.
Hello, is anyone there? It's kind of like you're calling this number, and no one picks up! But you keep calling, in hopes that perhaps someone is going to pick up.
I have four churches looking for worship leader positions.
I just had an interview yesterday for the Lexington Public Schools.
I am sending my resume to Zion, because God knows that I love Zion.
The easiest thing would be to work at Zion, yet... would it be so bad if God really DID give me the desire of my heart? His word is clear about this.
Then again, I don't know. I don't know really what to do, because I have never had so many choices. For the past four years, it's been, "Here Carla, here's your schedule. Be in the chapel at 9:00am for returning students."
I'm not a returning student anymore. What?
Friendships have fallen from my hands.
I don't really understand it all, and I wish I could. "Oh Carla, you're being dramatic."
I'm pretty sure that I'm not. I don't fight, though. If I fight, I feel like I'm being desperate. Then again, I want what I want. But I don't want what I had once without effort.
"Hatred starts fights, but love pulls a quilt over the bickering."
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