i don't have any witty story to start off with for this. haha. basically, i read something so interesting today and yet again, right on time, that it made my head do about 500 spins. i feel so close to God when the waves are crashing in front of me. legit. i went in the water today cause it was surprisingly WARM in the north shore, and it just began to hit me. i know the song is over played, but when you look at the ocean, and it literally STOPS at a certain spot... who said so? there was land, and there was water. THIS IS THE VERY CREATION THAT GOD LOOKED AT AND SAID 'IT IS GOOD.' i literally was RIGHT in it. anyway, talk about awesome.
reading nouwen. the dude rocks my life everytime i read him. in "here and now" he writes on relationships. let me lend you a passage.
"Faithfulness, obviously, does not mean sticking it out together to the bitter end. That is no reflection of God's love. Faithfulness means that every decision we make in our lives together is guided by the deep awareness that we are called to be living signs of God's faithful presence among us. And this requires an attentiveness to one another that goes far beyond any formal obligation."
CHECK THIS:
"...God's faithfulness goes beyond this. God wants not only to be a God FOR us, but also a God WITH us. That happens in Jesus, the Emmanuel who walks with us, talks with us, and dies with us. In sending Jesus to us, God wants to convince us of the unshakeable fidelity of the divine love. Still there is more. When Jesus leaves he says to us, 'I will not leave you alone, but will send you the Holy Spirit.' The Spirit of Jesus is God WITHIN us. Here the fullness of God's faithfulness is revealed. Through Jesus, God gives us the divine Spirit so that we can live a God-like life. The Spirit is the breath of God. It is the intimacy between Jesus and his Father. It is the divine communication. It is God's love active within us."
he then talked about friendships, relationships, etc. and how it is no wonder that our parents are concerned who we surround ourselves with, because they know that those are the people who will determine most, if not all, of our happiness in life.
"To whom do we go to for advice? With whom do we spend our free evenings? With whom are we going on vacation? Sometimes we speak or act as if we have little choice in the matter. Sometimes we act as though we will be lucky if there is anyone who wants to be our friend. But that is a very passive and even fatalist attitude. If we truly believe that God loves us with an unlimited, unconditional love, then we can trust that there are women and men in this world who are eager to show us that love. But we cannot wait passively until someone shows up to offer us friendship. As people who trust in God's love, we must have the courage and the confidence to say to someone through whom God's love becomes visible to us: 'I would like to get to know you, I would like to spend time with you. I would like to develop a friendship with you. What about you?' There will be no's, there will be the pain of rejection. But when we determine to avoid all no's and all rejections, we will never create the milieu where we can grow stronger and deeper in love. God became human for us to make divine love tangible."
DONE.
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
alright, so far starters, i'm in my family room, kinda dark and i heard upstairs, my brother ask, "where is santa clause?" bahaha. i don't know the context or what the response was, but just hearing that made me laugh. but yeah.
what a few days it has been. powerful days. the stuff that we bypass a lot, but when we tune into it, it's like a super charge of energy. does that make sense? i don't even know.
obeying really is a lot easier. healing is always better. laying down is always better than picking up. the list goes on and on... nonetheless, a few days ago, i was sitting in my piano room. i think monday? night-ish? mostly just hanging out with the Lord (sidenote: you know that best friend you have that when you see them, you still get excited? that's really how it's been with God lately. and you know, i think it's vice versa, too. his eyes light up at the sight of us! true story.) anyway. i felt so comfortable in His presence. even my bones felt at ease.
in the midst of this, i just saw something. a vision? maybe. or a very well thought out thought. i saw two roads. (haha, not robert frost) and the Lord began speaking, clear as day, just as if i was reading a letter. or hearing him speak. either/or.
there's two roads in life. the one that the Lord has clearly marked even before we were born. our steps have been ordered. his way is better than ours, and even though as far as we run, we are never out of his reach, sometimes our own choices can make for a more difficult run around. but i began to feel the Lord speak so clearly to me.
his way was described to me like this... like, hey, carla. the road i've marked out for you, there's a little catch. i'm only going to show you a few steps at a time... you won't really be able to see the final outcome, but that's where trust comes. what's the point in seeing everything if what i really want you to do is trust me? you need to HAVE trust in order TO trust. simple.
i was totally on board with this. i was receiving it, and even wrote some lines to a song that i cannot remember now. haha.
and the Lord really kept on going. like, yeah, you can't see the final out come, but trust me that it is there and that it is good. when you've gone the way i've shown you, i'll keep revealing to you the parts that you need to see.
amen.
the next part he showed me was the road we make for ourselves. i have this issue where i love to create situations on my own, because ultimately, i feel like i have control. as simple as relationships. if i create something i want in that moment, i have enough will power to see it come to pass. and i'll know the outcome... i'll know how to get there, by using my means. simple, human trait we all have. because ultimately, we like control.
and so, the Lord was all... you can take that road, too. but here's the catch with this. you can actually see the final outcome, as far as it may be... which is not necessarily a good thing, because you know in your own mind and heart how far you have to go. and, i didn't mark this road out for you, so you're gonna have to create it yourself. get down on your knees, dig the path out, and basically, make any trail you want to get to the end... and this is gonna leave you pretty tired. no room or need for trusting me, either, cause your physical eyes will be able to see the end result, rather than truly grasping me with your spiritual eyes.
personally, i'm all about NO physical labor, hahaha. suffering, sure. but... haha. and so, i really began to just meditate on this. because i've taken both roads. i have created the road that i know where it goes, and i have blindly taken the road that the Lord has set before me, and just gone the steps he shows. which can be frustrating, too, because that road, depending on how he wants to reveal, can sometimes mean WAITING. ahh, waiting.
and so you have it. at the end of hanging out with him, he just said, lay it all down, and just follow me. let me lead you. that thing you thought you couldn't handle on your own- you're right. you weren't meant to handle it, so just give it over. my shoulders are stronger; they carried the sins of the world, they can handle this, too. it just began to really mess me up.
ahh, so, the roads. the road of trust is not easy, but it is what he desires. trust is our best form of worship, too.
jason once said this: nothing we say worships the Lord like our trust.
what a few days it has been. powerful days. the stuff that we bypass a lot, but when we tune into it, it's like a super charge of energy. does that make sense? i don't even know.
obeying really is a lot easier. healing is always better. laying down is always better than picking up. the list goes on and on... nonetheless, a few days ago, i was sitting in my piano room. i think monday? night-ish? mostly just hanging out with the Lord (sidenote: you know that best friend you have that when you see them, you still get excited? that's really how it's been with God lately. and you know, i think it's vice versa, too. his eyes light up at the sight of us! true story.) anyway. i felt so comfortable in His presence. even my bones felt at ease.
in the midst of this, i just saw something. a vision? maybe. or a very well thought out thought. i saw two roads. (haha, not robert frost) and the Lord began speaking, clear as day, just as if i was reading a letter. or hearing him speak. either/or.
there's two roads in life. the one that the Lord has clearly marked even before we were born. our steps have been ordered. his way is better than ours, and even though as far as we run, we are never out of his reach, sometimes our own choices can make for a more difficult run around. but i began to feel the Lord speak so clearly to me.
his way was described to me like this... like, hey, carla. the road i've marked out for you, there's a little catch. i'm only going to show you a few steps at a time... you won't really be able to see the final outcome, but that's where trust comes. what's the point in seeing everything if what i really want you to do is trust me? you need to HAVE trust in order TO trust. simple.
i was totally on board with this. i was receiving it, and even wrote some lines to a song that i cannot remember now. haha.
and the Lord really kept on going. like, yeah, you can't see the final out come, but trust me that it is there and that it is good. when you've gone the way i've shown you, i'll keep revealing to you the parts that you need to see.
amen.
the next part he showed me was the road we make for ourselves. i have this issue where i love to create situations on my own, because ultimately, i feel like i have control. as simple as relationships. if i create something i want in that moment, i have enough will power to see it come to pass. and i'll know the outcome... i'll know how to get there, by using my means. simple, human trait we all have. because ultimately, we like control.
and so, the Lord was all... you can take that road, too. but here's the catch with this. you can actually see the final outcome, as far as it may be... which is not necessarily a good thing, because you know in your own mind and heart how far you have to go. and, i didn't mark this road out for you, so you're gonna have to create it yourself. get down on your knees, dig the path out, and basically, make any trail you want to get to the end... and this is gonna leave you pretty tired. no room or need for trusting me, either, cause your physical eyes will be able to see the end result, rather than truly grasping me with your spiritual eyes.
personally, i'm all about NO physical labor, hahaha. suffering, sure. but... haha. and so, i really began to just meditate on this. because i've taken both roads. i have created the road that i know where it goes, and i have blindly taken the road that the Lord has set before me, and just gone the steps he shows. which can be frustrating, too, because that road, depending on how he wants to reveal, can sometimes mean WAITING. ahh, waiting.
and so you have it. at the end of hanging out with him, he just said, lay it all down, and just follow me. let me lead you. that thing you thought you couldn't handle on your own- you're right. you weren't meant to handle it, so just give it over. my shoulders are stronger; they carried the sins of the world, they can handle this, too. it just began to really mess me up.
ahh, so, the roads. the road of trust is not easy, but it is what he desires. trust is our best form of worship, too.
jason once said this: nothing we say worships the Lord like our trust.
Sunday, August 16, 2009
return.
last night at the bridge, while don potter was worshipping, john thomas took the mic, and delivered a strong word from the Lord. it hit me like a ton of bricks... funny, how the Lord speaks, and though many are listening, you feel as though it is just to you.
"I have forgiven you for your forgetfulness towards me... your decisions made in fear... turning your heart towards other things. Come home."
i was done.
"I have forgiven you for your forgetfulness towards me... your decisions made in fear... turning your heart towards other things. Come home."
i was done.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
haverhill, ma.
i'm sitting at the handicap table in haverhill, mass starbucks.
an insane amount of memories took place at this table... both good, and both bad.
wednesday mornings with the girls, after class. skipping ethics to come here.
prayer as psalms meeting to have class here one night.
table talk with drew.
spending 8 hours once here, because i HAD to finish a paper, and God knows i never got anything done in our library.
using starbucks as a photoshoot, and making their cups look awesome through photography.
being sick, and always knowing i could get a green tea/zen mix, and somehow... i'd feel better.
something about familiar. i thought barrington starbucks would never be replaced, but i am pretty sure it has been.
barrington had jama and tim, peter and crazy barrington witch lady. but, the bulk of my most memorable memories took place here.
steve and drew throwing milk cartons across the lobby area, and smacking me in the face. starbucks announcing 'thirsty thursday' which meant absolutely NOTHING. but drew insisted on telling everyone the only thing they were selling was water.
i like familiar. i like different, but i like familiar.
it's good. the one thing i ask is to keep my eyes on Him. in the midst of ALL of this. keep my eyes fixed on you. cause, when they're off, i have no clue what to do. i mean, i never have a clue, but in reality, with Him guiding my steps, i don't HAVE to have a clue.
ps- there is a crazy girl hanging around the starbucks bar. this is so entertaining.
an insane amount of memories took place at this table... both good, and both bad.
wednesday mornings with the girls, after class. skipping ethics to come here.
prayer as psalms meeting to have class here one night.
table talk with drew.
spending 8 hours once here, because i HAD to finish a paper, and God knows i never got anything done in our library.
using starbucks as a photoshoot, and making their cups look awesome through photography.
being sick, and always knowing i could get a green tea/zen mix, and somehow... i'd feel better.
something about familiar. i thought barrington starbucks would never be replaced, but i am pretty sure it has been.
barrington had jama and tim, peter and crazy barrington witch lady. but, the bulk of my most memorable memories took place here.
steve and drew throwing milk cartons across the lobby area, and smacking me in the face. starbucks announcing 'thirsty thursday' which meant absolutely NOTHING. but drew insisted on telling everyone the only thing they were selling was water.
i like familiar. i like different, but i like familiar.
it's good. the one thing i ask is to keep my eyes on Him. in the midst of ALL of this. keep my eyes fixed on you. cause, when they're off, i have no clue what to do. i mean, i never have a clue, but in reality, with Him guiding my steps, i don't HAVE to have a clue.
ps- there is a crazy girl hanging around the starbucks bar. this is so entertaining.
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