alright, so far starters, i'm in my family room, kinda dark and i heard upstairs, my brother ask, "where is santa clause?" bahaha. i don't know the context or what the response was, but just hearing that made me laugh. but yeah.



what a few days it has been. powerful days. the stuff that we bypass a lot, but when we tune into it, it's like a super charge of energy. does that make sense? i don't even know.

obeying really is a lot easier. healing is always better. laying down is always better than picking up. the list goes on and on... nonetheless, a few days ago, i was sitting in my piano room. i think monday? night-ish? mostly just hanging out with the Lord (sidenote: you know that best friend you have that when you see them, you still get excited? that's really how it's been with God lately. and you know, i think it's vice versa, too. his eyes light up at the sight of us! true story.) anyway. i felt so comfortable in His presence. even my bones felt at ease.

in the midst of this, i just saw something. a vision? maybe. or a very well thought out thought. i saw two roads. (haha, not robert frost) and the Lord began speaking, clear as day, just as if i was reading a letter. or hearing him speak. either/or.

there's two roads in life. the one that the Lord has clearly marked even before we were born. our steps have been ordered. his way is better than ours, and even though as far as we run, we are never out of his reach, sometimes our own choices can make for a more difficult run around. but i began to feel the Lord speak so clearly to me.

his way was described to me like this... like, hey, carla. the road i've marked out for you, there's a little catch. i'm only going to show you a few steps at a time... you won't really be able to see the final outcome, but that's where trust comes. what's the point in seeing everything if what i really want you to do is trust me? you need to HAVE trust in order TO trust. simple.

i was totally on board with this. i was receiving it, and even wrote some lines to a song that i cannot remember now. haha.

and the Lord really kept on going. like, yeah, you can't see the final out come, but trust me that it is there and that it is good. when you've gone the way i've shown you, i'll keep revealing to you the parts that you need to see.

amen.

the next part he showed me was the road we make for ourselves. i have this issue where i love to create situations on my own, because ultimately, i feel like i have control. as simple as relationships. if i create something i want in that moment, i have enough will power to see it come to pass. and i'll know the outcome... i'll know how to get there, by using my means. simple, human trait we all have. because ultimately, we like control.

and so, the Lord was all... you can take that road, too. but here's the catch with this. you can actually see the final outcome, as far as it may be... which is not necessarily a good thing, because you know in your own mind and heart how far you have to go. and, i didn't mark this road out for you, so you're gonna have to create it yourself. get down on your knees, dig the path out, and basically, make any trail you want to get to the end... and this is gonna leave you pretty tired. no room or need for trusting me, either, cause your physical eyes will be able to see the end result, rather than truly grasping me with your spiritual eyes.

personally, i'm all about NO physical labor, hahaha. suffering, sure. but... haha. and so, i really began to just meditate on this. because i've taken both roads. i have created the road that i know where it goes, and i have blindly taken the road that the Lord has set before me, and just gone the steps he shows. which can be frustrating, too, because that road, depending on how he wants to reveal, can sometimes mean WAITING. ahh, waiting.

and so you have it. at the end of hanging out with him, he just said, lay it all down, and just follow me. let me lead you. that thing you thought you couldn't handle on your own- you're right. you weren't meant to handle it, so just give it over. my shoulders are stronger; they carried the sins of the world, they can handle this, too. it just began to really mess me up.

ahh, so, the roads. the road of trust is not easy, but it is what he desires. trust is our best form of worship, too.

jason once said this: nothing we say worships the Lord like our trust.