jon foreman. he has been frequent on the playlist this whole summer. i'm listening to this song, beyond your eyes, and i think everytime i listen to it, it takes on a different meaning. the first time i heard it (not in full) i thought he was singing about seeing the world behind Jesus' eyes. because that would be awesome, and quite beneficial for all of us, i would assume. but now, i'm not sure that is what he is talking about. in fact, i am quite sure he is singing to a girl. there are people in our lives who go through life thinking we are against them, i bet. pastor tim spoke on peacemakers today. i will get to that in a little.
for starters, my atm card is busted. which means, my account is busted until i get a new one. i should be more on this stuff, but my mind is neither here nor there, ever. i've had this temporary card for (i guess) 30 days. that's when it runs out. i went to deposit my wonderful check from work, and the machine spit it back out. let's hope tomorrow i remember. i am slowly losing patience with bank of america. thank the good Lord i had some spare change from camp to buy myself a sweet iced soy black tea. we are experiencing thunderstorms right now, yet the sun is out. it is causing a lot of people to look up at the sky. i wonder if God uses such things to just get our attention. it would be like Him to do that, in His own unconventional ways.
sned camp 09 came and went this summer, as i got to help out with jr high. it was a blast. definitely a little giving back to the system that helped my summers be what they were when i was younger. camp was the best memories. this year proved to be wonderful, as well. this whole summer has been a great one, i must say. i think i deserve it, after the awesome winter i experienced. spring, too. and i say that with as much sarcasm as possible. the Lord is funny and compassionate (is that okay to say?) because i swear, every time my life is upside down, i know i always look to the past, and analyze how He got me through. i always expect His way to be the same the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. time. but they are not. not even close. His ways of fixing things and bringing me through have been so different. different shades of colors. the winds go a different way. people show up in random places. people leave in random directions. He knows. He knows that i enjoy the 'why' behind the 'what,' but He explains and shows me in ways that i cannot even fathom.
it's like getting an answer to a problem, without words, but you know. eye contact with someone and you don't even have to say anything; you know what they are thinking. i enjoy those moments. i have them with the Lord from time to time. over a span of months, it seems.
i entered june 2009 with much cynicism. but through much time with the Lord, wonderful people, wonderful experiences, and just an all around wonderful wonderfulness... (does that make sense?) i believe i have experienced the full 'we will overcome,' banner. i will raise that banner quite high, as well. laying things down, and not looking back are probably some of the hardest things to do. waiting on Him is difficult. being, is difficult. i have concluded this. waiting and being. they are so difficult! yet, BEING who He has created me to be, is where true freedom comes. WAITING, is where my strength is renewed. seems sensible.
i forgot how much i love noise ratchet.
anyways.
PEACEMAKERS. i'm glad pastor tim spoke on the beatitudes this summer. i started studying them when i graduated, so i'm thinking the Lord really wanted me to get them good. always helps having a pastor explain things i wouldn't see, too. the message says, "you're blessed when you can show people how to cooperate instead of compete or fight. that's when you discover who you really are, and your place in God's family," (matt 5:9).
i don't know that i necessarily struggle with making peace. in fact, there is nothing more that i enjoy. is there anything better than spending time with a few people that you absolutely love? you can laugh with them, be yourself, with no holding back. i have few people in my life, and i am ever grateful for them. friendships are such a blessing, but my goodness, they can be a curse. a few in my life have taught me the trueness in dying to yourself. i have come to realization that all that is, is giving up with you feel you deserve.
"Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; see for yourself whether I've done anything wrong- then guide me on the road to eternal life."
"Don't hit back; discover beauty in everyone." - Romans 12:17 (the message).
i believe the Lord has been depositing a hunger in me. it's funny... when you close a few things out of your life, or maybe get the little foxes out... ? they do ruin a whole lot more than they look capable of. lately, i feel like i can't get enough of God. the dust has been shaken off a lot of things in my life. what i didn't see clearly 4 months ago, i can see coming into view. i still can only see enough to get me by, but i like it like that. if i knew what was up ahead, i might take another way, and miss a monumental lesson/ encounter with God.
in any case, even at camp... i was chosen to talk about how stuff gets crowded in our lives (the weeds) but the Lord's will is that we come out victorious... (the flower, ha). as i was reading james to the kids, the truth began to hit me. shout a no to the devil, and he scampers. he gets scared. but, all we need to do is whisper a quiet word to the Lord. there is a beauty in realizing our dependancy. more times than not, when i am at the piano, and it is just the Lord and i, even if i sing over and over again, "i need you," what a powerful presence comes over me. He hears us. psalm 55. our cries do not go unheard.
does the one who made the ear, not hear? not listen? i have "your love is strong" on repeat. the people who walk through these doors... i wonder, what would happen to their world if they knew there was a love stronger than what they are going through? a love stronger than death. i don't ever want to lose sight of this. i don't think that i can. there really isn't anything that happens in my day that doesn't cause me to realize and stop and THINK of how good He is. i'm not talking about the whole "let me wake up and realize i'm alive..." thing. i see God's goodness in many things.
in my simple ability to love people. or the fact that i enjoy loving people. being around people that i love. community. all that. a good conversation. a beautiful chord. all that. i see it.
your love is,
your love is,
your love is, strong
I feel this. what a beautiful place to be in life. carefree, in His arms.
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