I have been on the verge of tears all day today. Nothing sad, nothing troublesome. In fact, the idea of summer and a little less of a redundant schedule is keeping me excited and looking forward to the possibility of not knowing what my day will entail.

However, after having attended the Gordon Conwell graduation today, and hearing a speaker speak with such elegance and grace about the Gospel... my heart was awakened. I pray that I never lose the sensitivity towards His word and His truth. It is so incredibly easy to lose sight of the most important thing we have been given, as children of God. Just like in the Old Testament, when it came to the presence of God, they had to be so careful not to mistreat it, and not to stand too close to it, because the power that came from around it was incredible.

Hearing the speaker read over portions of Hebrews, elaborating on the truth that He is the author and finisher of our faith; the perfecter. That we should cling fast to Him, because there is sin that would much rather cling to us. There is an advocator on our behalf that is continually interceding for us. What we pray and think does not go unnoticed. What the heck!

I am excited for this summer. I feel and pray that it will be just a time with God. No one else; no more distractions.

It's funny, because I tell my students all the time, "if it's distracting, just ignore it." And do you know what their response is?

"I want to, but it's difficult for us."

How different are we, that distractions that would love to hinder us - so often, our mental response is "I want to, but it is difficult for me."

There is a place, however, that I believe we can enter into, being so full of God that distractions are not distractions for us anymore.

I don't want anything else in front of me for a while. People, desires, etc. They just cloud up what God is trying to reveal to me. Draw close to God, and He will draw close to you. How beautiful a truth that we bypass daily, because we draw closer to things we can actually see, and in reality, are not worth much. Paul explains that they are nothing but garbage in contrast to who Christ is.

I'm almost done with running from things, people, etc. I think I'll always be slightly timid around situations that revolve around people I'm uncomfortable with. I think I'll always want what it's almost plain view, and go to any means to get it, even if it means looking like an idiot in the end. I'll also probably always look like I'm okay, and not bothered by present circumstances, but the truth remains that I am 100% human with an inability NOT to be concerned about certain things. However, that is where Christ comes in, and my prayer is that He would rid that of me. I hate being concerned because it really accomplishes NOTHING.

I don't know if I'll ever be a good communicator in the realm of letting people know how much I love them.

I just don't know. I don't try and act like I do. All that I know is that in His presence, is where I am found to be truly joyful and not willing to trade that in for anything. I walk away from ministry opportunities and such, and always wish my life was that, 24/7. I understand working with children is a ministry and takes a special person, etc. But nothing makes more sense to me than giving up what I have, to further His Kingdom.

I think it's time that I just step aside.